im back to blog again...

well, u might expect me to blog about an array of happy moments in my life. well, there are quite a number of occasions and they are all family gatherings and all. i loved them all.

however, my social life was not going so well. these situations had made me think for quite a long period of time. i simply want to know what is the matter that had created this unwanted situation? i'm very unsure if all these that had happened are due solely, my own fault. however, there's always 2 sides for everything.

let me take you to my feelings during the beginning of early march, last year. exactly around this period of time. i'm elated to get to meet new people, my classmates - in particular, there had been many moments where we all get to know one another. for example, the discovery of our talents in our cca and the leadership camp.

even some of my new friends loved to call me and ask me to join them in their conversations. i can still remember one of my pw groupmates, calling my name in her very cute & adorable voice. this happened during when we got to know one another for the 1st time.

however, i not sure why the sudden change in their, or maybe my, attitude towards myself.
is it due to jealousy?
is it hate for who i am?
or is it simply i'm just not fit to be in?

it's definitely heartwrecking to go through this. well, i'm a human and humans does mistakes. it's a matter of the person to forgive and forget my past mistakes.

i'm the class chairperson and the pw group leader last year. due to the confidence that i believed i had and also, the support given from various parties, i took both roles. well, i've screwed up eventually, i guess, by the end of the year.

i had problems dealing with my pw mates. but, it was solved eventually. however, i guess i've left a scar on my pw mates. also, i may be ignorant to small things which i assume to be irrelevant. but it wasn't for some of my classmates. well, i may have made many mistakes being a cg rep. but, try to put yourself in my shoes.

dealing wif huge responsibilities and the mounting schoolwork is simply a no-no for me. however, i've only realised it at the end of last year. but thanks to the permission granted from the Almighty, i was given a chance to prove that i'm capable to do better in the following year.

life without people who care, or even notices you, will be dull; excuding the atmosphere at home coz it's very warm. it can totally blow away my sadness. but, since im spending quite a long period of time in school, personally, i believe that anyone will need someone to talk to, to fill up their free time.

sometimes, i felt 'terkilan' why some can get together very well that, they can simply call each other up to chat about happy and sad stuffs. some have very close friends, best buddies too.

well, i believed i'm facing the opposite. i'm sure u know wat i mean. this maybe due to my past mistakes that had not been forgiven by those that i've accidentally hurt. i really didn't mean it.

sometimes, i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, when everything seems to come down crushing on me.
"WHY DON'T YOU BE IN MY POSITION?! THEN, YOU'LL KNOW HOW I FEEL!"

but, still some might be concern and some simply will not want to land their eyes on this words.

although i'm facing this now, and i really, really, really wish these will end very, very ,very soon, i really need to thank those of you, in my class, who had tried your best to add me in every class events, discussions, outings, etc.

i'm totally grateful for that. even though, i didn't thank you personally, u know i'm very thankful for every little deed that you've done for me. you may classify them as nitty, gritty stuffs but they really does mean a lot to me.

no need to mention names. u know who you are.

but, i've still got to play my part to solve this situation. but, i've got a question.

"how can i try to make a difference if the opportunity is not given to me?"

this had kept me lagging behind. due to such 'huge barriers', i have no choice but to continue on, living in misery, whenever in class. therefore, this explains why i'm, most of the time, being seen alone.

however, what i've written here may be bias. but definitely, here is where my true and sincere feelings were described in a form of words. i hope you won't misjudge it.

the only thing i want is...but, very difficult to describe...however, i'm sure you know everyone don't want to live in this world alone, forever. that includes me.

my live space nana faiz kak yanti
penny fahimah kamielah narimah norain fizah zafyra rosiana seri ren jie
fairuz nadiah aisah aini athirah nisa fasihah hafiz sahrinah syahirah nadirah fiza yus zee fadilah nashe zul ilham
tarmidzie hamimah ikmal dinah alvin adilah huda

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